but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
