You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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