:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
