He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
