I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize