...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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