What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
