These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
