In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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