i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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