Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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