Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
