also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
