Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
