I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If that was your dad, he is hot
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
