i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
