i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
