do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
