he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
