I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
