We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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