My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
