he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
