Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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