She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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