Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
