Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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