I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just cut my nipple shaving
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We just shotgunned beers for America
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
