I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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