if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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