Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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