I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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