Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
