Duck Duck Cougar?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
