Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
