on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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