Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
