This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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