me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
