Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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