billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
