i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have tasted many bathrooms
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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