I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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