apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
