Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
