Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
