Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
