"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize