would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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