my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
