Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
