Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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