you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can text with my tongue
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
