Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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