What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
