Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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