the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
