i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
jump out the window naked night went bad
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