What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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