Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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