you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
