Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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