I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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