Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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